Chapter 12 – False Truths
The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. ~ Herbert Agar
May 14, 2006, Castello di Tullevette, Italy
On the altar, I lay, either Lexi or Alexandra, regardless, I the silent observer incapable of movement or audible sound. Yet my mind I observed, I bared witness and I understood the significance this strange woman held on Stephan’s soul, on his heart. I could feel it deep inside the caverns of my soul. She would triumph; I realized he held such an undying love for this woman named Isabella, from his stories. The only true love he had ever experienced he had told me. Stephan held undying love for Isabella – the true love of his life to this day. Nothing could break such a bond as strong. Not even time. My presence, a fleeting second considering the brief span of time I held him in my heart. My life. Who am I to believe that a captive soul as mine, taken could turn into an undying love. It happened at least for me. I never thought possible, but it did. I thought was undying love was mutual. Yet it was nothing short of a brief fling and surely nothing significant to capture a man’s soul, especially one that survived over four thousand years.
Now powerless to act! So unfair, first Michael, now Stephan, damn this curse. It has grasped its grimy hands around me and refuses to relinquish its hold to fight for the man I love. Cruel. I know not of what the ‘Powers that be’ want of me. Over the course of the last few months I have done all that was asked of me and listened, with little recourse, or desire to flee, well at least after I had been convinced to stay. In return was told – I was the key to unlock some silly curse. If that is so, then what has become of me! Why place me on an altar like a corpse to merely witness the events taking place. With each second, I lose a part of my soul. Wouldn’t it be better to allow me to die? The pain is as excruciating. I feel as thought my heart is being remove, it tears and with it my soul.
Unable to fight for the man I have grown to love most passionately when I thought I would never find a place in my heart for such great love, more profound than the first. I couldn’t bear the thought of lying in another’s arms, until I met Stephan. It took time before I fell, so true. But when I did, I fell more deeply more passionately in love than I had thought possible. This time, the love so beautiful, so pure, yet as I watch Isabella and Stephan, I realize our love was but a hoax. Now I forced to watch the man I had come to love, rush to the arms of another. Idle, I could not move, tears of blood flowed down from the corners of my eyes as I felt my heart rip apart.
I conceded. It is not in my destiny to share a life with Stephan. My soul neither dead, nor alive; I am by all means dead; to him and to those around me. My soul aches and burns as if on fire. Never before have I felt such agony. I became his ‘Alexandra’ of Thoth without a thought really. I tossed her aside anxious to begin a new live with this man I know for such a short while. I am no longer the Lexi of Michael. But, I seem to no longer be the Alexandra of Stephan either. No longer could I bear to watch as my lover, my mate for all eternity, move toward this fraud, this Isabella. In my angst I felt deep in the pit of my entrails the House of Thoth crumble, as my soul tore in two halves one side, forever lost to the side of darkness. The other in a place unknown, I screamed out in pain. Only, no one could audibly hear my cries, my cries far more ferocious than that of a banshee.